This picture is from 1996...Junior High. Toby Terrier is also in the pic...a puppet friend, who is boxed up in the closet for Josh to introduce to his kids someday. His friends were always entertaining to me. Smart, interesting and funny these young people were always welcome. There could be some drama from time to time...but those were some good times. Maybe those pictured would not agree. I know Junior High is not a time I would revisit if I had the choice. So what brought this up you ask...well...
Josh and Randi are in Ruston for the weekend and it is always so good to see them, but sometimes having Josh in the house conjures up all sorts of feelings..all sorts of memories.
Yesterday....Josh came for about an hour while Randi was getting a hair cut. He comes in, looks in the fridg for a snack and sits down and I look at him and I see this Josh guy who is now so much the same and yet so different. Sometimes it is surreal and the passage of time seems so sudden. He was telling Jim and I about his latest comedy find. He has a DVD so we can see for ourselves. It is a comedy series on HBO called, "Flight of the Conchords". We have had this same conversation before....insert different program titles like "Seinfeld", "Curb Your Enthusiasm", "Arrested Development", and going further back, "Animaniacs". He is essentially the same, the house is the same, Jim and I are the same....or so it seems to us...even the sofa is the same....but everything is changed.
I can't really explain the emotion I felt. It was not sadness, but it was a keen awareness that despite how much we want life to go in a same comfortable way we are always moving forward in time....changing. I was also aware that I am so blessed to be able to see my son Josh so often. I guess because of his age, I find myself thinking of the mothers of those service men in the Mideast who don't see their sons often, or worse, will never be able to see their sons again. Yes, I am ever mindful of my blessings.
But back to this reality of change. I confess I don't like change just because it usually means there is the element of the unknown. I look to the future and I know we have many wonderful times ahead, but there is also the knowledge that if you live long enough there are also difficult times as well. Early in my life this was evident because when I was 11 my father was killed in a car accident and suddenly everything changed for our family. This has probably shaped my personality somewhat because I know you can be going along and BAM you will have to change direction and you didn't have any choice in the matter. In hindsight I do see the Lord's hand in it all, but it was scary and it was tough. Yes, all things do work together for good for His children....so I hang on to this fact. I alos have little saying which hangs in my bathroom so I will be reminded each morning that, "I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future." Because I know it will ultimately all be good...but I confess it is hard for me not to know exactly what the journey will be like. Is that lack of faith? I don't think so... but maybe it really is.
2 comments:
You have done an excellent job raising Josh and he is a wonderful man and husband. You let him leave and cleave-that is our job in life. The future-well all I can say is that Grands are indeed grand! You will be the ultimate gran when that day comes. As for today-enjoy Jim being home with you and take each day as it comes and the blessings that come with it.
Oh, those were good times with good friends! I definitely am styling in my Nike hat, I tell you what. Josh always loved original comedy- my favorite begin Animaniacs.
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